Cult Week

The April Holiday Season
Febtober Fest, the most Febtober Time of the Year
April 23-29
It originally started as a joke that former ASSC Staff member John (a.k.a El Burro) would say from time to time speaking of "Febtober" then it became a reason to hold a party.  Now it's become a real holiday.  Now with the exception of Good Friday, Holy Thursday, Palm Sunday, Easter, and Passover when they fall in April from time to time, April really doesn't seem to have any holidays.  So now it has a chance!
April seems to be a left out month when it comes to holidays. bear
Note: All Holidays are US and Canadian and are based on the 2005 calendar as that was the year of the first Febtober Fest.
3 4 9 3 4 1 2 1 2 6 4 5

As seen from that random chart that above, April has three holidays (sometimes), as does January.  However, there are reasoning why January was not picked for Febtober Fest:

1) MOST Colleges are still on winter break for a portion of this month.

2) MOST public schools are still on "Holiday" Break until (usually) the first day after the first that is not a Thursday, Friday, or weekend.

3) For those in the northern part of North America [and Eurasia], it's damn cold warming my ass...

Also seen from the chart June, July, August, September, have less holidays than April, but once again there's reasoning behind why Febtober Fest is not in any of these months:

Why Febtober Fest is NOT in June, July, August, or September

1) MOST public schools get out in June, so there's a bunch of reasons for parties for the rest of this month.

2) For those who live in desert climates, tropical areas, the northeast, by water, or parts of southern Canada, it's damn hot outside...nuclear winter my ass...

3) During the summer months people usually go on vacations, causing no time to have parties
3a) For those who don't go on vacation, they usually have parties

4) MOST colleges start in late August

5) MOST public schools start in early September

All right so now one of the questions on your mind is probably:

"Why isn't Febtober Fest in February or October?

1) It's a combination of the two names of the months

2) It would make too much sense, duh!

So now, another question you may be asking is why Febtober Fest is not between February and October, which would be June

Why Febtober Fest is NOT in June

1) Well, there isn't actually any numbers here because they would be the same reasons as "Why Febtober Fest is Not in June, July, August, or September."  Well not all of those reasons just numbers 1, 2, and possibly 3

All right now to reiterate the other four months for why Febtober Fest is not celebrated in them:

Why Febtober Fest is NOT in March, May, November, or December

1) All of these months have more holidays than April


Ah yes, finally the real reason why you clicked on the link to this page, how to celebrate Febtober Fest.  Seeing as not all question everyone might have about this holiday please email Us.  Anywho, now to some questions that may be lingering out there:

What's with this Cult Week?

Technically Febtober Fest is a week long holiday (longer if April 29 does not land on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday).  Preceding Febtober Fest starting on April 23 is what is known as Cult Week.  From April 23-April 28 everyone dresses in the Febtober Fest color of that day.

April 23
April 24
April 25
April 26
April 27
April 28
April 29
Black Day Red Day Brown Day Green Day Blue Day Friend Swap Day Febtober Fest!

Friend Swap Day?

As "color" days probably make sense (wear black on black day, red on red day, etc) Friend Swap Day may confuse people.  On this day you chose a friend to dress as.  You don't have to necessarily switch with that friend just make sure everyone dresses as someone else.  (Friend A can dress as Friend D who dresses as Friend B who dresses as Friend C).  If you can not find anyone to dress as this day also doubles as Orange Day so wear orange instead.

What about the other colors?

If you've read ahead, been to a Febtober Fest, or seen pictures of a Febtober Fest party you may notice the colors of pink and yellow present.  If you do not own a red or green shirt or you do and it's in the wash then you can wear pink on red day and yellow on green day or Friend Swap Day if you're not dressing as a friend and don't have an orange shirt to wear.  If you still don't own an article of clothing of the day's color then be creative.  Wear a flower, construction paper, dye your hair, paint yourself, whatever.

Anything else for Cult Week?

Not really.  Just remember to wish anyone you see a "Happy Cult Week" especially strangers on the streets, they love that sort of stuff.

Can I exchange gifts on Febtober Fest?

No, absolutely not!  All we need is another holiday to be captured and sucked in by Corporate America.  Does anyone remember the true meaning of Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day, Hanukkah, Halloween, or St. Patrick's Day?  Didn't think so, neither do we.

No gifts, are you crazy?

Yes, yes we are, Corporate America sucks, end of story.

So if there's not gifts, how do you celebrate it?

First off, get over the fact that there's gifts.  You celebrate it by picking a person to have a party (preferably one with a large house) on April 29th.  If Febtober Fest falls on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, the party will be observed on the first Saturday in May.

So what do you do when Febtober Fest doesn't fall on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

Good questioin!  First off no matter what the day of the week Febtober Fest falls on, always wish your friends, family, co-workers, random people on the street, whatever a "Merry Febtober Fest!"  Chances are they'll give you a strange look.  Also there's some rules that should be followed if possible no matter what day of the week Febtober Fest falls on:

1) People who are constantly told they have long hair and or an excess of facial hair dress like hippies

2) People under 5'0" must wear yellow or pink; people under 5'5" but above 5'0" wear red or orange ; people over 5'5" wear blue or green; people who are exactly 5'5” wear black or brown.  People who do not wear the colors should wear a funny hat.

3) Film the insanity that ensues

4) Order Chinese Take Out or pizza

5) Watch the stupidest movies you can find

6) Guam is recognized as the 51st state for the 24 hour period

7) Cascadia is recognized as a sovereign nation for the 24 hour period

What do you do at the Febtober Fest Party?

No matter if you're celebrating Febtober Fest on April 29 or observing it on the first Saturday in May if it's not a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday there's a few things you have to remember that apply to the party only

1) If Febtober Fest (April 29) did not fall on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday and you are observing the holiday in the following Saturday remember to do the same things you were supposed to on Febtober Fest (see above)

2) A cow piñata must be beheaded then totally destroyed at 10:30pm.  Try and keep the head intact just so you can parade around with it as it is quite fun.

3) The main room where the party is going to be held must be decorated with the Febtober Fest colors (black, red, brown, green, blue, orange, yellow, pink) on the day of the party let it be April 29th or the following Saturday.

4) Though Cascadia and Guam are recognized on the actual day of Febtober Fest (April 29) a 51 Star US flag and a proposed flag of Cascadia must still be present at the party.

5) Get as many balloons as possible of the Febtober Fest colors

6) Order Chinese take out AND Pizza
6a) Order at the same time and take bets on who will get there first

7) Find a way of dividing everyone at the party up into 2 groups of people and have the 2 groups race.

8) Follow everything listed above in the "What do you do if Febtober Fest doesn't fall on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday" section.

So everyone mark your calendars, Febtober Fest may be coming sooner than you think! April 29 is Febtober Fest! So go out and celebrate and spread the word!